What can I say, I put out a lackluster effort, I screwed the pooch, I mislead all
thousand 25 of you who read the blog. No. None of those things. I was cucked by the powers that be. They truly did not want to see me winning and because of that, they do not want to see you winning. You might be saying yeah of course… “you were cucked” (sarcastic and overdramatic tone implied). But here are the reasons why it actually wasn’t my fault.
Some would say “eh, 50/50 chance, not too big of a deal”. Well, I’m not one of those losers. If you listened to me I lost your money and I hold myself accountable. It wasn’t luck, chance, or the fact the coin was most likely disproportionately weighted to land on tails because Roger Goodell is a coward, it was my fault.
Gladys Knight Omitting a Word
I swear to all things holy that Gladys Knight did not sing the word “night” during this song. I swear it.
Ted Rath just had to get surgery and ruin my big night. I didn’t technically lose these bets, but I might as well have because they were sure-fire winners.
This was by far the biggest cuck of the night. And I will tell you why. Tony Romo is very well known in the football community for two things. 1) being a laughably average quarterback in the NFL and 2) predicting plays correctly in the broadcast booth. So you are telling me that at the biggest stage of his career *cue Tony Romo finally making it to the super bowl jokes* he just decides to not predict a SINGLE play. Not “correctly predict” but just didn’t even try. What the heck. There is no way he just decided to stop, which means the CBS broadcast team told him not to. Well, I’m expecting full payment those who cucked me at CBS and I mean it.
And finally my biggest misstep of the night
At this point you might be saying, there is no way you got chucked out of this one… you were just wrong. Yes, way. Sure Julian Edelman had a great performance and I’m actually happy that he won… but did he deserve to win? No. If you completely removed Julian Edelman from that game would the pats still have won? Yes… if you removed Kyle Van Noy from the game would the Patriots still have won… absolutely not. This isn’t a slight at Julian Edelman in any way, this is an appreciation of the Patriots masterful defensive performance. The MVP really should’ve been split up 11 ways between all defensive players but of course, you can’t do that. Because of this inability to manipulate metal, I think it should’ve gone to somebody on the Defensive side of the ball and let me say that Kyle Van Noy sack on third down was a massive play for the Patriots.
P.S. None of this actually matters because none of you listened to me
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